I laid him down in his bed and began singing his favorite song...
"Noah, he built him, he built him an arky, arky..."
I looked over at Hannah, who was standing at the foot of his bed and she was plugging her ears.
"Hannah? Why are you plugging your ears?"
"You're singing too loud!"
"But I'm singing to Noah..." Then I paused. "And you can go in the other room if you don't want to listen."
I wasn't trying to be mean, or sarcastic, or anything like that. And then the water works started as she slumped over and hung her head.
"Hannah, come here, babe. Why are you crying?"
"I just... I want Aunt E."
She does this. She does this when she's mad at me. When I'm being mom and playing the disciplinarian and "being mean," she wants Aunt E. Because we all know Aunts and Uncles don't yell or get mad.
To be honest, it breaks my heart a little. Because to my face she's telling me, "No Mom, I don't want you. I want someone else." But then again, I know she doesn't totally mean it. Just sorta one of those "in the moment" things.
"Hannah, tell me... what's wrong?"
(I also linked up with Shell for Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday)
#1. If I have to say it one more time, I'm going to scream! Write about what you find yourself endlessly repeating.
#2. 5 things perpetually on your work (or home) to-do list.
18 comments:
I so know where you're coming from. I heard these similar words from my eldest as well, in the past. I felt like garbage. I felt so down in the dumps. I thought about every possible thing that might have led my eldest in saying this. It made me feel like a bad mommy. But, we talked it through and we came to a compromise in how he will be happy in the time we do spent together. I too want to be a SAHM, but can't. I so know how you feel.
I can relate only too well to this. I think that the time you have at home sounds like it's meaningful and being a working mom doesn't mean you're a bad mom. I am too and those words hurt. Hugs to you!
Ouch. My daughter isn't talking yet, but I'm sure this day is coming ... and I dread it. Just remember that you - as a mom - do know what's best for your family. And just give her lots of snuggles in the meantime. One day she'll understand. (And, please remind me that I said this when I'm going through this situation in a few years!!)
You have to give yourself permission to be yourself. I know its hard as a mom. I've been a working mom and a SAHM mom. My DH's job involved so much travel and late nights that my job is now to take care of the household. It's at least a full time job. Let me assure you that staying home does not mean that you spend 8 hours a day of great quality time with your kids.
Make a list of why you work and post it where you can see it. You may work because you love the adult interaction. You may work to give yourself the financial stability it takes to raise a family. You may work because you like it. All of those are very valid reasons.
Your daughter sounds young. This type of reaction is no different than asking why she can't have cake and ice cream before dinner. I have older girls and we recently had to move half way across the country because Daddy's job got moved. He had once stated that he wanted the girls to graduate with kids they went to kindergarten with and that got thrown into my face a lot when they were unhappy and wanted their old friends, their old school, their old house, etc. It hurts, but its not about YOU, you are just the whipping post.
Also, even being a super mom is not a guarantee of happiness. There are some days that I am so lonely as a SAHM, or days that I want to do stuff but really need to do laundry or go to the grocery store. Days that I remember that I used to splurge on a housecleaning service when I worked and now there isn't any justification for it and it was part of the deal that allows me to stay home with the girls.
I would love to be a princess who eats bon bons all day. But if I don't exercise and get out of bed and do the laundry and the dishes and the running everyone all over the place and remembering who has lessons on what day and who has art club or dance or chess club, etc, it wouldn't get done.
with 5 kids I think it's a rare day when I don't have a "reality check moment" with my kids... I worked way too much last year and the comments came more often...
and sometimes it's not a comment... sometimes it's the sound of my 14 yr old doing dishes (that I probably should have popped in the dishwasher hours ago) and the 7 year old yelling at her dumb shoelaces that just came untied again (because despite all my good intentions, sometimes it's just easier to buy her slip-on shoes than fight with teaching her to tie those darn laces.
New working mom here...understanding as completely as I can. (Baby K is just two months old). Just do your best, and from time to time, make room for special one on one time with each of them. They will know you are trying. They will know they are loved.
Hello,
I've had this very same interaction with my kids. It's so hard. Sometimes i am able to take my kids to work with me so they can see what I do and why it is important to me.
Just FYI-- Please don't take this the wrong way any SAHM's-- but all the work you do at home, working mom's do plus go to work. I wish there was someone cleaning and doing my laundry. I work all day and work all night taking care of the home and family life. Scheduling all the activities is hard work, but it's worth it. I just have to keep telling myself it's worth it and just one day at a time...
My kids aren't old enough to say this to me yet, but I dread hearing it. I hate not being able to SAHM (had a PYHO to that effect a couple weeks back) so I totally understand.
And I am your newest follower! Lisaohgee1116@gmail.com
I think our kids wants us all the time when they are young. I work from home and my kindergartener told me the other day that he didn't have his homework done b/c I was busy working and he didn't want to bother me. I don't even remember him asking for help with it...
I was here, but not here. And that hurts, too.
Although my kids have never said those words to me, I feel like that pretty often these days. This weekend I'm having a "mom/son" date with my son because when I am home I feel like I'm constantly dealing with his little sister b/c she's a toddler and needs more personal assistance from me than he does at 5. So I'm being deliberate and it will help, but I still hate feeling the way you're describing.
I can't imagine how words like that will feel one day. It's hard for me not to cry/laugh at the same time when I ask if I can have a kiss and I get a petulant "NO" in response!
And I know you don't need us to tell you but...you ARE a great mom!
I get that too. My little guy is only three (almost) but when he tells me not to go to work or gives me that look when he says, "Will you play with me?" it just breaks my heart.
MamaRobinJ @ Farewell, Stranger
Visiting from PYHO
You are not a bad mom! So many moms have to work, or choose to work, for financial reasons or sanity. I work. I like it. There are times when I miss being at home, but they actually do get a lot of quality time with me and their daddy, quality time when we are really focused on them and engaged. I know it is hard, but trust that you are doing the right thing for your family!
Oh that hurst my heart! Part of me thinks she knows where to hit you. The other part of me feels all that mommy guilt you're talking about. It's so hard to find the balance! I remember my working days all too well. Sending hugs your way! Stopped by from PYHO!
I totally understand where you're coming from...I blogged about the same feelings on Monday. It's hard sometimes.
Oh this hits home! I'm in a PhD program and teaching college. My daughter recently drew me a picture of me with a computer with her on the other side of the room. She was smiling but the teddy bear she was holding had a sad face--because I work too much. She told me to take the picture with me to my teachers so I didn't have to do so much work. Broke.My.Heart.
(Visiting from http://mommypaws.blogspot.com/ )
Those moments are SO tough! But, you hit it... snuggling on the couch and reading a book before bed. Those are the best memories we make with our babies!
Ouch. I can understand the sting of those words - well I mean my daughter hasn't used them yet but the screaming and yelling makes me feel the same way though. She may have just been jealous of the attention you were giving Noah at the time. Or even if that's how she feels, you have to know that you are doing the best you can and she will realize what an awesome mom she has one day. ((hugs))
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