Moms. Friends. Acquaintances. Neighbors. Bloggers.
There's been lots of talk lately about how we need to be nice to each other. Not judging for breastfeeding or not breastfeeding, for co-sleeping or not co-sleeping, for homeschooling or not homeschooling. We do it though. We judge. After all, we're right and everyone else is wrong. Our way is better.
And maybe it is better... for me and my family.
But on the opposite end of the spectrum...
Mom Envy
Know that Mom that seems to have it all together? She looks fabulous every day when I seem to struggle to brush my hair. That Mom that goes to all the playdates and has tons of friends. The Mom whose house looks like it came straight out of Pottery Barn.
Yeah, I don't like her either.
Yesterday, I had a true Mom Envy moment. I found out that a good friend of mine had recently become a SAHM. I mean, I knew she had a baby 2 months ago, but I thought she was going back to work. Through a random comment I Facebook (don't you just love that we find out this kind of information through Facebook?), I found out that she is not going back to work.
Why does this bother me so much? Because we had the same job! I watched her grow from a smart college student moving across the country into an awesome Strength & Conditioning Coach at a big time university! We had the same line of work. I muddled through 2 maternity leaves, pumping, getting less sleep, waking up early and going back to working 50+ hours a week. And here she is dropping a great job to become a SAHM???
I'm jealous.
And even more so, she's doing some side jobs that allow her to still make a few dollars all the while being able to be home with her baby girl.
I'm jealous.
I love my job. I do. But when it seems that everyone else around me is staying home, the grass seems greener.
Maybe I'm not cut out to be a SAHM. But when the thought of having another kid (don't worry, not pregnant) creeps into my mind, I flash back to the hours and hours of pumping in a back room at work. That alone makes me not want to have another.
I'm hoping praying that God will give me peace about my job and my life. I tend to go through these phases every so often and it's hard not to compare your life to another mom's life. They always seem to have it better, don't they?
Lord, this is my life... help me to live and love my life and rid me of the envy that drags me down.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Mom Envy
Posted by Julia Ladewski at 9:20 AM
Labels: working mommy
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
23 comments:
I wonder why it is that we do that, and we all do. It's good that you saw it, called it, and gave it to the Lord! God will give you the peace you seek, for today! Thanks for writting about this!
You don't live in your friends house. Pray for her and yourself...
Take care. If you want to stay home and work only a few (say 10 hours a week) Ask me about my opportunity. If you are not interested after to learn about it that would be fine.
You could have another child, work around the babies schedule and not have to pump.
Keep praying.. God will give you the answers to your quandary.
http://debbiellbriskincare.blogspot.com/
MBC
I completely understand and can relate:-) Praying for peace in your life is the best thing to do, God will show you the right path to take.
Completely understand! Almost every woman I know around my age with kids is a SAHM. Being at home is something I would love to do but in this season in our life, my husband is not comfortable with the thought of losing my income. Through much prayer, God has given me peace and shown me how to bloom where I am as a working mother. Prayers to you!
Mary Ellen
Well, admitting to a problem is the first step to finding a solution, right? I have a problem with the green-eyed monster, too. I have to realize that I make my choices, and that anything I have/don't have but want/don't want is because *I* made it that way.
That said, it's still tough to accept your fate, even if you made it!
~Elizabeth
Understand 100%, I'd kill to be a SAHM, but it's not the right patrh for us at this time while my husband is in school, but I do have SAHM friends tell me they envy us working moms so that helps some. :)
Thanks for writing about this. I often think about wanting to be a SAHM but then again I'm the only provider for my little one, so that is not even a choice.
Some may seem to have it better than others at times, but know that everyone has their own struggles.
Hang in there! =)
God will give you peace and strength.
Oh, I'm sorry Julia. That's got to be hard. I know you are a WONDERFUL mother, whether you are working or staying at home. So, just remember that. :) I will be praying for you, friend.
I too know how you are feeling. I've actually been feeling this way a lot lately. I drop my 3yo off at preschool and run right out the door to get to work while all the other moms stand around chatting and letting their younger children play. Until I bumped into one of the moms at Walmart the other day, she didn't even know I had a second child because I drop him at daycare on the way to bring my daughter to preschool.
I'll be praying that the Lord gives you the answers you need.
I know your heart. I have been struggling with the same thing lately. I too, want to be SAHM and fought with the same feeling after my second was born. I envy my friends who are SAHM's because they are there for their kids and have freedom to come and go. But then there are things I don't envy and I look at the good in being a FTWM. I pray that you find that peace in your heart and push your feelings of jealousy away as much as it hurts.
Wow I was just discussing being judgemental with my husband. I keep saying I hate judging people then all of a sudden eww look at her or why would he do that pops out of my mouth. I am sorry you are feeling envious and I can understand, if it makes you feel any better I am a SAHM and am envious of those who can stay at home and work and make money to help with the bills. I guess there is always a little bit of envy and judgement from everyone.
Come check out my blog http://carribear0620.blogspot.com
Great post and I love that last quote. I have that same struggle often. I've just had to make peace with the fact that I will never have peace! If I stayed home, I would probably feel some sense of guilt for not making more $$ for family or using my God-given gifts. I just trust God that I'm right where he wants me and he'll compensate for me.
I couldn't have said it better than 'Confessions from a stay at home mom'. I turned 45 recently, my 2 daughters & 1 step daughter's ages range from 16 to 22 and they have all moved on to independence and I still want to be a stay at home mum. I haven't stopped wanting it!!
BUT my girls have expressed to me many , many times that they are so happy that I made the choices I did or they wouldn't be the girls they are today. For that reassurance everyday I am eternally grateful.You will survive & so will your family no matter what choices you make because you will make the best choices you can at the time.
Cheers
VickiXO
She probably has days when she wishes she were at work!
You have no idea how many days she'll wish she was at work, talking to adults, accomplishing something other than wiping butts and spit-up. It really is a "grass is always greener" situation. Don't overthink it or let it get you down.
Were you reading my mind when you wrote this post? I too go through these phases, and they aren't pretty. My Mom often reminds me that it isn't the quantity of time I spend with my little guy but the quality of time I spend with him. It's not easy, though, and I hope this phase you are experiencing passes quickly.
Kimberly
I totally understand how you feel! I go throught the same thing every year when it is time for school to start. I don't have any friends in real life that are not SAHM. Although I am soooo blessed to have my mom watch our girls while I work, I want to be a SAHM too - so bad, but it is not right for us financially and I really do feel called to teach what I teach. I just have have to remember that I am where the Lord wants me and that I am blessed to have the job I do.
It is a constant battle that I go though and it seems like every time I feel some peace about it, something happens that dredges up all those emotions! A friend of mine (who is older and wise) always tells me that, by me working, I am giving a gift to my children. Just keep giving it to the Lord and follow his will!! :)
I completely understand. I too get jealous of friends who get to stay home...or even work part time!
There are so many ways to look at our situations. Each one of us is different. For me, I feel that I am a BETTER mom because I am not with my children 24/7.
I feel the same way sometimes...I even get jealous of my hubby, who takes care of the kids while I work. I know it's hard for him to juggle his own job plus homeschooling the kids, but I'd trade places with him in a heartbeat.
First of all...you would probably give her life back after living it an hour or so! Ha. Living a Pottery Barn lifestyle is very overrated.
Second,something different MAY be in your future, but often that is an obvious thing that happens.
Which is what makes life so exciting!
I have worked at big important jobs and I am now a SAHM. Both are incredibly challenging and both have advantages. But right now I am online searching for adult conversation which might lead you to guess what kind of day it has been here at Pottery Barn.
I get like that too, more so lately since I've been reading around and every mom blogger seems to be a SAHM. I know there are other work outside the homes mom too (like you and me), it's just harder to find them. Unless God does a miracle, it's not going to happen for me since I'm also a single parent. Be encouraged, we're exactly where we're supposed to be at this particular time.
Hello from SITS! I understand the SAHM envy, as I work 50+ hours a week and have a dastardly commute. But I also feel I wouldn't be a good SAHM, I'm a better mommy when I've got my work thang going on. Part time, which I did with my first for a few months, seems to be the best for me. I'm seven months pregnant now with No. 2 and plan to have six months off then return to work. We'll see how I juggle motherhood and working post No. 2.
I'm new to your blog, and this is an older post - but it hits home. I just blogged about wishing I could be a SAHM a few weeks ago. Mostly it's because I feel like I'm missing so much from my kids daily lives. So - I empathize!
Post a Comment